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FLIRTDIRT
Flirting Tips and Dating Advice
Words
of Wisdom to Help Make Your Dating Experience One to Remember
Be Considerate
-
sit
down, this is a long one.
Common courtesy, these days, seems to be a lost art. It
is, however, one of the most important aspects of a
relationship. This holds true, regardless of what type of
relationship you are addressing. Friendships can endure
quite a bit of abuse if the parties involved are considerate of
one another. Committed relationships can overcome
stumbling blocks, if consideration is part of the picture. Why,
you can even get along with that mean old neighbor
of yours with a bit of civility and a "please" and "thank-you". The problem usually lies in the fact that what one
party feels is just common courtesy, the other doesn't even
think of. Not to say that any given issue doesn't
matter to that person; it's just that there are a certain breed
of people that assume that things are just "understood".
We all know what's to be said when someone "assumes"
something...so don't!
If you had a good time on your date, let it be known...verbally. Even if it is apparent that you are both having a
great time, take a minute to verbalize it...during the date and
afterwards. Besides being common courtesy, it is a
little thing that means a lot. Pick up the phone the next day (if
you've reached the point where you have, in fact,
exchanged phone numbers), or send an email and say something
like: "Thanks for last night (yesterday, whatever).
I had a nice (great) time." This would be the perfect time (if
not already done) to also say: "We should do it again
sometime", or "We'll have to try such and such next time." Most
of us like to know that we've brought a smile to
someone's face or made their heart skip a beat.
Dating can get tricky these days with what the man is supposed
to do and what the woman is supposed to do.
If you're considerate, it just makes it easier. Personally, I
never wait for my date to do anything. I used to go out
with someone who got offended if I didn't wait for him to open
up my car door. He always walked on the outside
as we made our way down the street. He always opened doors,
pulled out my chair and stood up when I left the
table or came back from the restroom. Most men aren't quite that
chivalrous these days. Don't make a man uncomfortable by waiting for something he hasn't even thought of. If you get to the door first, go ahead and open it. It's good manners, be you man or woman. Once the door is open,
hold it open for your date and anyone else who
might be trailing in behind.
If you are the slightest bit uncomfortable about who's going to
pick up the tab, you might ask early on, "Shall we
go dutch?" That gives the other person the chance to say, "No,
no, no, this one's on me" (or not).
There are certain things that, over the years, have come to be
the man's responsibility...sort of by default. If you
are the man and there's a chill in the air, you might ask your
date if they're warm enough. If they indicate that
they are a bit cold, offer them your jacket. It might even be
the perfect opportunity to suggest going somewhere
for a hot cup of something. If you are driving (man or woman),
ask if your date would like you to turn on the heat.
Personally, I find the heat in a car a bit stifling and can
only take it for a minute. I do know people, however, that
feel warm and cozy with the heat on full blast. No thanks! But,
it's nice to ask.
It is also considerate to ask your date if they might have a
preference as to what type of music you listen to while
you are driving. If you love country and he/she goes for
alternative, it can be a very long ride for one of you. You should also
inquire if it bothers them if you smoke (if you do and need to). Many
people are so sensitive to cigarette smoke that
they can't even be in the same room with a smoker. On that same
subject, if you are a smoker and you are
going to be using your car, make a trip to the local car wash. Make sure to clean out the inside, and then roll
down the windows and let it air out for awhile. Try to think of
anything that you can do that might make your date
feel good about your dating experience.
If the date is drawing to a close, you haven't felt any sparks
and you've decided that you don't want to pursue
this relationship any further, be up front about it. Again, be
courteous; no need to be rude, especially at this
point. This is a hard thing to do, because most of us
don't like to hurt people's feelings. But you can be
honest without being mean. You might say something like, "I have
really had a nice time today/tonight and it was
a pleasure to meet you, but I just don't think we're a good
romantic match at this point". If you truly have enjoyed
yourself, you can always suggest that you stay in touch and
maybe get together occasionally, as good friends
are hard to come by.
There are those who feel extremely strong
about whether or not men and women can be
friends. I realize that many of you reading this may be in the
market for a same sex relationship, and I only
bring up the "man/woman" thing, because it seems to be a big
issue for many. I strongly believe that men and
women can be good, even best, friends. There are many
individuals who disagree with me. It is their opinion
that a man and a woman cannot have a platonic relationship,
because there is always the issue of sex. I had a
man friend once who told me that a man-woman friendship was
impossible, because the man would always be
thinking of sex. I disagree. I do not believe that most men are
attracted to all women (or vice versa), and if you're not his/her type,
why not be friends, if you like each other? If you are
his/her type, you can flirt shamelessly, have fun with it
and still be friends. That is a subject
best addressed on an individual basis.
Now, for one of my pet peeves...the "phone call". In my book
there is nothing more aggravating and inconsiderate
than to tell someone you're going to call them and not. Here is
one time it behooves you to be honest. If you
haven't enjoyed your date and have no intention of seeing this
person again, DON'T tell her/him that you're going
to call. Don't set them up for hurt or yourself up for failure. If, on the other hand, you have enjoyed yourself and
want to talk to and see this person again, than by all means
tell them you're going to call...but do so! As I mentioned before, if you had a good time, you should call the next
day to say so. Don't tell your date
that you're going to call and than let days and weeks go by
without picking up the phone. If you don't call the next
day, you should, at least, call within a few days. I'd say by
the second day, if you are expecting another date. I
know people who get so wrapped up in their day to day life that
they just don't think of it. This is not a good way
to score points! I cannot emphasize it enough. If you say you're
going to call, then call, or don't say it! If you have the
time in any given day to grab a bite to eat, make a
trip to the restroom or go outside for a smoke, than
you have time to pick up a phone. If your week is incredibly
busy, then just give a quick call to touch base and
say something like, "Hey, I just wanted to touch base with you. My schedule has been very full and the week
looks to be incredibly busy, but I said I'd call and I didn't
want you to think I was blowing you off. How about if
I give you a call later in the week?" By doing so, you have kept
your word, let them know how busy you are and
scored points as well. If you don't call, each day you don't
might make it harder to pick up the phone, because
you feel guilty about not calling. More than that, however, it
makes the statement that you are not a man/woman
of your word...not good. It also sends the message that
you aren't interested (even if this is not the case). As a post-script, I would like to add,
with GREAT emphasis...if you "score" (and would like
an encore sometime)...absolutely, positively call the next day. And for those of you who make the occasional
booty call, again, pick up the phone the next day and say
"thanks". You can't just not call because it's a given
that you both enjoyed yourself. You NEED to acknowledge
it. This especially holds true if you'd like another
tumble in the hay sometime in the future.
Remember, what goes
around comes around, so
be nice!
Happy Dating!
About the
author: Addie Scott is the webmistress of this site and has
had extensive experience working, over the last 26 years, with
people and their relationships. She has had multiple articles
published online, is the author and illustrator of a soon to be
published children's' book, and at present, she is working on a
how-to internet business ebook.
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copyright © 2005 flirtdirt
Be Considerate - sit down, this is a long one.
Common courtesy, these days, seems to be a lost art. It is, however, one of the most important aspects of a relationship. This holds true, regardless of what type of relationship you are addressing. Friendships can endure quite a bit of abuse if the parties involved are considerate of one another. Committed relationships can overcome stumbling blocks, if consideration is part of the picture. Why, you can even get along with that mean old neighbor of yours with a bit of civility and a "please" and "thank-you". The problem usually lies in the fact that what one party feels is just common courtesy, the other doesn't even think of. Not to say that any given issue doesn't matter to that person; it's just that there are a certain breed of people that assume that things are just "understood". We all know what's to be said when someone "assumes" something...so don't!
If you had a good time on your date, let it be known...verbally. Even if it is apparent that you are both having a great time, take a minute to verbalize it...during the date and afterwards. Besides being common courtesy, it is a little thing that means a lot. Pick up the phone the next day (if you've reached the point where you have, in fact, exchanged phone numbers), or send an email and say something like: "Thanks for last night (yesterday, whatever). I had a nice (great) time." This would be the perfect time (if not already done) to also say: "We should do it again sometime", or "We'll have to try such and such next time." Most of us like to know that we've brought a smile to someone's face or made their heart skip a beat.
Dating can get tricky these days with what the man is supposed to do and what the woman is supposed to do. If you're considerate, it just makes it easier. Personally, I never wait for my date to do anything. I used to go out with someone who got offended if I didn't wait for him to open up my car door. He always walked on the outside as we made our way down the street. He always opened doors, pulled out my chair and stood up when I left the table or came back from the restroom. Most men aren't quite that chivalrous these days. Don't make a man uncomfortable by waiting for something he hasn't even thought of. If you get to the door first, go ahead and open it. It's good manners, be you man or woman. Once the door is open, hold it open for your date and anyone else who might be trailing in behind.
If you are the slightest bit uncomfortable about who's going to pick up the tab, you might ask early on, "Shall we go dutch?" That gives the other person the chance to say, "No, no, no, this one's on me" (or not).
There are certain things that, over the years, have come to be the man's responsibility...sort of by default. If you are the man and there's a chill in the air, you might ask your date if they're warm enough. If they indicate that they are a bit cold, offer them your jacket. It might even be the perfect opportunity to suggest going somewhere for a hot cup of something. If you are driving (man or woman), ask if your date would like you to turn on the heat. Personally, I find the heat in a car a bit stifling and can only take it for a minute. I do know people, however, that feel warm and cozy with the heat on full blast. No thanks! But, it's nice to ask.
It is also considerate to ask your date if they might have a preference as to what type of music you listen to while you are driving. If you love country and he/she goes for alternative, it can be a very long ride for one of you. You should also inquire if it bothers them if you smoke (if you do and need to). Many people are so sensitive to cigarette smoke that they can't even be in the same room with a smoker. On that same subject, if you are a smoker and you are going to be using your car, make a trip to the local car wash. Make sure to clean out the inside, and then roll down the windows and let it air out for awhile. Try to think of anything that you can do that might make your date feel good about your dating experience.
If the date is drawing to a close, you haven't felt any sparks and you've decided that you don't want to pursue this relationship any further, be up front about it. Again, be courteous; no need to be rude, especially at this point. This is a hard thing to do, because most of us don't like to hurt people's feelings. But you can be honest without being mean. You might say something like, "I have really had a nice time today/tonight and it was a pleasure to meet you, but I just don't think we're a good romantic match at this point". If you truly have enjoyed yourself, you can always suggest that you stay in touch and maybe get together occasionally, as good friends are hard to come by.There are those who feel extremely strong about whether or not men and women can be friends. I realize that many of you reading this may be in the market for a same sex relationship, and I only bring up the "man/woman" thing, because it seems to be a big issue for many. I strongly believe that men and women can be good, even best, friends. There are many individuals who disagree with me. It is their opinion that a man and a woman cannot have a platonic relationship, because there is always the issue of sex. I had a man friend once who told me that a man-woman friendship was impossible, because the man would always be thinking of sex. I disagree. I do not believe that most men are attracted to all women (or vice versa), and if you're not his/her type, why not be friends, if you like each other? If you are his/her type, you can flirt shamelessly, have fun with it and still be friends. That is a subject best addressed on an individual basis.
Now, for one of my pet peeves...the "phone call". In my book there is nothing more aggravating and inconsiderate than to tell someone you're going to call them and not. Here is one time it behooves you to be honest. If you haven't enjoyed your date and have no intention of seeing this person again, DON'T tell her/him that you're going to call. Don't set them up for hurt or yourself up for failure. If, on the other hand, you have enjoyed yourself and want to talk to and see this person again, than by all means tell them you're going to call...but do so! As I mentioned before, if you had a good time, you should call the next day to say so. Don't tell your date that you're going to call and than let days and weeks go by without picking up the phone. If you don't call the next day, you should, at least, call within a few days. I'd say by the second day, if you are expecting another date. I know people who get so wrapped up in their day to day life that they just don't think of it. This is not a good way to score points! I cannot emphasize it enough. If you say you're going to call, then call, or don't say it! If you have the time in any given day to grab a bite to eat, make a trip to the restroom or go outside for a smoke, than you have time to pick up a phone. If your week is incredibly busy, then just give a quick call to touch base and say something like, "Hey, I just wanted to touch base with you. My schedule has been very full and the week looks to be incredibly busy, but I said I'd call and I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off. How about if I give you a call later in the week?" By doing so, you have kept your word, let them know how busy you are and scored points as well. If you don't call, each day you don't might make it harder to pick up the phone, because you feel guilty about not calling. More than that, however, it makes the statement that you are not a man/woman of your word...not good. It also sends the message that you aren't interested (even if this is not the case). As a post-script, I would like to add, with GREAT emphasis...if you "score" (and would like an encore sometime)...absolutely, positively call the next day. And for those of you who make the occasional booty call, again, pick up the phone the next day and say "thanks". You can't just not call because it's a given that you both enjoyed yourself. You NEED to acknowledge it. This especially holds true if you'd like another tumble in the hay sometime in the future.
Remember, what goes around comes around, so be nice!
Happy Dating!
About the author: Addie Scott is the webmistress of this site and has had extensive experience working, over the last 26 years, with people and their relationships. She has had multiple articles published online, is the author and illustrator of a soon to be published children's' book, and at present, she is working on a how-to internet business ebook.
Receive our FREE newsletter
Dating Advice and Flirting Tips | Standard Sites | Specialty Sites Specialty Sites Too | Alternative Sites | Gifts | Bonuses | eBooks
copyright © 2005 flirtdirt